Remembering to Forget
by onlyonceinforever
Summary: We all have our dirty little secrets, and Draco Malfoy is no exception. A new student arrives at Hogwarts, to Draco's dismay. But why does he have such an aversion to her? R for later chapters. :ON HIATUS:
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own the plot, the OC, and the poem in the beginning. And that's about it.**

_Remember what I told you, remember what I said, remember all the words I uttered and all the things I left unsaid_

_Remember the unasked questions, the cryptic answers too_

_Remember what I told you, but forget what I what I put you through. _

**Remembering to Forget**

It started out just like any other day - I woke up, got dressed, met up with Crabbe and Goyle outside the Great Hall, tormented some twitchy first years, then went to get a bite to eat. Yes, it started out normally enough, until I saw her.

Perhaps I should be a bit more specific. You see, there are plenty of "hers" around Hogwarts, and without further explanation, you would have no way of knowing which one of the aforementioned "hers" I was referring to. Well, I'm not willing to go into the details, but instead leave it like this - she was the last person I wanted to see, that day, or ever.

Before the meal started, Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat in that all important manner of his. Not everybody looked up right away, as they were still waiting expectantly for food to magically appear before them. I was among these. Well, that and the fact the I believe Dumbledore is a soft hearted Mudblood lover unfit for the Headmaster position, but that's a story for another time.

He cleared his throat again, this time punctuating it was a loud BANG from his wand. Half the Hall jumped in shock, now thoroughly awake. Everyone's attention was on him now, even mine, although rather reluctantly. I think the only reason I payed any attention at all to what that Mudblood lover had to say was because Snape had caught my eye and shot me a warning glare. He began to speak.

"Thank you all for giving me your attention despite the protests of your stomachs. I assure you, the sooner I begin, the sooner you will all be eating to your hearts content. As some of you may already know," At this point I started drifting off, thinking about the Transfiguration homework that was sitting half finished on the desk in my dorm. When I did tune back in, I immediately wished I hadn't.

"So, in conclusion, she will be continuing her schooling her at Hogwarts, under the care of the Gryffindor House. I expect you all-" Blah blah blah. For the first time, I noticed that there was a figure standing shyly beside Dumbledore. And not just any random figure, either. No, it just had to be someone that I never wanted to see again in my life.

"What's wrong?" Crabbe leaned across the table in that brutish manner of his to ask. Apparently, he had noticed the morphing look of shock to anger that played on my face in a matter of seconds. I shook my head, trying desperately to ignore the sinking feeling that was in the pit of my stomach.

"Nothing. Let's go. Now." I stood, leaving the food that had appeared untouched.

"But-" I suppose I must have whipped around and shot them a death glare, because Crabbe and Goyle both popped up immediately, shoving as much food as they could into the pockets of their robes.

We had gotten more than halfway back to the Slytherin common room before one of the idiots decided it was in their best interests to ask what was going on, what the hurry was, and why they hadn't been allowed to eat.

"Because," I snapped, not in the mood to waste my time explaining things to buffoons. "I said so." That seemed to satisfy them, as it always did. God, I swear, if they weren't so loyal... I don't know _why_ I keep them around.

Upon reaching the portrait hole, and uttering the password (_gloria draconis_), I left Crabbe and Goyle in front of one of the stone fireplaces and stormed my way up to the boy's dormitory. Well, I would have stormed, but it is unMalfoyish to storm, and I am nothing but a Malfoy. I would have flopped down on my bed, too, but that as well is not in the Malfoy manner. Instead, I opted to, in a highly dignified manner, flop on the green and black sheets and rolled onto my back. Then I thought.

_What is she doing here?_ I asked myself, trying in vain to produce a reasonable explanation to her unexpected appearance. _Could it be that she wants revenge?_

_No, it couldn't be that._ I told myself, as if attempting to convince some unknown figure that it was the truth. _There would be no reason for her to want revenge. _

_Who are you trying to kid? Of course she would want revenge. What you did to her-_

_Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut UP! Things were different then. It wasn't my fault._

_Is that what you're telling yourself to make it all okay now? Because let me let you in on a little secret - everything's **not** okay. It doesn't matter what kind of excuses you make to convince yourself that you didn't do anything wrong. You still did something unforgivable, and now you have to face the facts. It's all your fault that you- _

_"_SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW!" I screamed, not able to take the mental argument for a second longer.

_But you're going to have to, you know. It's all your fault-_

_"_ GO TO HELL!" The next thing I heard was a twinkle of glass as a porcelain figurine in the shape of a serpent collided with the wall. I must have thrown it, but in my blind rage I wasn't aware of my actions. I moved off the bed and went about the process of cleaning the broken shards, a menial task typically left to one of those good-for-nothing house elves.

As I picked a piece up to move it to the trash, it sliced my finger. I watched as the blood appeared in a thin line, then began to trickle down my finger and hand, finally slipping down to the floor. I felt pain, but payed it no mind. I observed the flow of fluid from the wound for a moment longer, before pulling out my wand and magically closing it.

_This is nothing,_ I thought, _This is nothing compared to the pain I caused her._ When done with the task of cleaning, I moved from the floor back onto the bed with intents of sleep. Slumber came easily, but not undisturbed.


	2. Chapter 2

_I am running, running down a hallway. I think I am chasing someone, but I am unclear as to who, or why. My bare feet pound on the green carpet, heart beating in my chest. Yet my breath comes slow, regular, as if I am not running at all._

_I round a corner, and then I see her. I know who she is, but I don't know why she is here. All I know is that I want her more than I have ever wanted anything ever before. _

_She looks back over her shoulder, her light hair tousled by the wind. She looks afraid, but I don't care. She stumbles slightly, over her own two feet. She picks herself up and continues on, but I know she will not be able to last for much longer. She is breathing hard, drawing ragged breath with each running step. She will be mine soon. _

_Finally, she stops, tired to the point of exhaustion. She leans against the wall, trying in vain to regain control of her breathing. My run slows to a walk. There is no need for hurry now. She is tired, and soon she will be mine._

_She sees me advancing, and starts to step away, but she has no energy left. Her hand catches on a wall decoration and slices it open. I see blood trickle out of the wound on her finger, and the flow fascinates me - The slow dribble of the liquid as it left the body, as if her very essence was slowly flowing out of her. _

_I reach out to her, and she does not resist. Yet. I hold her gently in my arms, allowing her head to rest on my chest. She is still breathing heavily, but I think she is also beginning to relax. To her surprise, I lift her injured hand into my own and observe the wound carefully. It was only superficial, nothing a bit of time wouldn't heal. It wasn't even serious enough to require healing or bandaging of any kind. _

_As if to confirm this, I lift her hand to mouth level and slide the injured finger slowly into my mouth, the metallic taste of her blood working its way over my tongue. I take joy in the taste, not because I find it pleasing, but because it is hers. It is hers, and I want her. _

_Her breath catches in her throat. Her heart begins to pound again. What are you doing? she asks me, voice quivering. Nothing, I assure her, my tongue smoothing over her finger and wound. She whimpers, as if she was a wounded dog, afraid of anyone who came near enough to help. What's wrong? I ask. She doesn't respond, but instead begins to tremble. _

_This confuses me. Why was she afraid? There was nothing I could do that would be worthy of such an action. Why was she so scared? Oh well. It didn't matter. I have her now, and that was all that mattered to me. _

_I slowly slide the finger out of my mouth, my tongue tickling the nerves up and down the length. I pick another finger and repeat the action. She whimpers again, now shaking violently. I grip her tighter, her body now pressed hard against my own. I relish the feeling of closeness. This just feels so...right. Our bodies pressed together, there being no secrets between us. I can feel her trembling, but I ignore it. _

_I took my time finishing with both hands before moving on to other things. I lean in toward her and kiss her gently. She pulls away and I grow angry. Couldn't she see that I wanted this? I kiss her again, this time harder, more forceful. She tries to get away, but my grip is too strong. She is struggling, and that makes me want her more than ever. _

_I place one hand behind her neck, and take a handful of her hair as assurance. If she did anything I didn't like, she would regret it. I kiss her again, and this time she tries to push me away. I don't like this. I yank her hair and she cries out. I place a hand roughly over her mouth so she will not be heard. It wouldn't matter if she did scream, anyway, since there is no one around. No one except her and me. _

_I force her to the ground, by body pushing hers against the green carpet. She struggles more, and her hair is pulled again. Hard. I move to remove the articles of clothing separating her perfect body from mine. She tries to scream again, and my hand moves back to her mouth. This time she bites me. Hard. I recoil, observing the blood that was now flowing freely from the wound on my hand. _

_I become angry. How dare this bitch do me harm? She must pay for her impotence. I slap her hard across the face, my hand leaving a angry red welt on her pale cheek. I feel in control, that I hold all the power I could ever need. I feel the need to exercise that power, to demonstrate it to the only on who was around. I lick at the blood, taking it into my own system. It stops bleeding soon; I am a fast healer. _

_I shift my body so that I am more in control and my hand goes to remove her shirt. She almost screams again, but thinks better of it. I smile to myself. She has learned that she has no power, that I am the one in control. My hand slides under the thin cotton and - _

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I wake with a jolt, just in time. I had no desire to relive that moment, or that day, week, even that year. I slide off the bed and exit the room, no longer wanting to be confined to four walls and the boundaries of my past.


	3. Chapter 3

**WARNING! RAPE SCENE AHEAD! **

**You've been warned.**

I walked out into the hallway, moving myself far away from the confines of the Slytherin common room. No one was still awake, and I doubted that my yell had woken any of my dorm mates. They could sleep through anything. Too bad I can't.

The night was cool, though I was sweating through my shirt. I removed my robes, as there was no need for identification when one is on a late night prowl. I wouldn't get in trouble anyway, as Father pays the employees of the school very well to look the other way. That has come in handy on more than one occasion, as well.

I sling my robes over my shoulder and roll up the sleeves past the elbows. My tie is loosened, and the top buttons of my shirt undone. Though I am cooler noe, the inhabitation of clothes is rather unnerving.

I wandered the corridors until coming to a point to rest. It was a quiet place, where I could gaze out the clean window and lose myself once again in my thoughts. Calm came quickly as I stared out over the grounds, the white of the snow that had fallen earlier in the day taking on a purple hue in light of the rising sun.

As my body began to slowly relax, so did my mind. Before I knew it, against my will, my thoughts had turned to that night again, which I did not want to revisit for a second time in one night.

_My hand slips under the thin cotton of her shirt and begins to massage her breasts. She protests, kicking and the like, and I have the feeling that she would scream if my hand was not covering her mouth._

_I remove my hand from her mouth, telling her that if she screams she will die. She nods fearfully; I think she knows that I will. I move to rid her of her shirt, yanking it over her head with little regard for her comfort. She struggles, but eventually allows me to do away with her pink lace bra as well._

_I reposition myself on top of her and remove my own shirt, slowly, making her want me as much as I want her. She pauses in her quest for freedom as she gazes at my toned chest and abs. I take pride in my looks and body, and I know she will not look back upon this moment in total distaste._

_Subconsciously, it seems, her hand moves to my chest, and she strokes the left nipple, causing it to harden under her touch. I take pleasure in the contact for a moment, then resume what I am doing._

_My shirt comes all the way off, and I now go to remove her pants. My fingers slide down her body, and I feel her shiver beneath my touch. The button to her pants is undone, and the zipper drawn down. I pull them off her, again not caring that she is kicking and clawing at my body._

_I remove my pants as well, so that all that is separating us now is a few pieces of trivial underwear. My boxers fall to my ankles, and my hands hook under the band of her matching panties. She cries out, and I slap her again. The feeling of power and dominance is back, and I like the way it feels._

_Off comes the underwear, the last bit of privacy before everything is given away. I stroke a finger down her inner thigh and she whimpers. THere is no point in longer delaying the inevitable, I know that. I have been waiting for this moment since the first time I laid eyes on her, and my throbbing cock is affirming that._

_Tears form in her eyes as I plunge into her, but she does not cry out again. I draw back slowly and move in again, hips grinding in a way that does not seem humanly possible. How is it that I have never done this before, yet I know exactly what to do? I briefly wonder if this is her first time as well, but the thought is driven from my mind as she whimpers again._

_I thrust my throbbing core back into her and work slowly in and out, then faster and faster. She cries out as she reaches her climax, and this angers me. How dare this lowlife creature dare cry out, as if in mockery of me? This can not be tolerated. _

_I pause in my frantic thrusts and wrap one hand around her delicate throat, applying pressure. She gags, but does not try to resist any more. She knows that any struggle will be futile and will only result in the prolonging of the thing she wishes to end._

_I leave my hand where it is and go about doing what I was. She whimpers again, but does not cry out further._

_Finally, I feel the orgasm rise in my own body and groan in ecstasy as we rode it out._

_Now there was no point to continue. The fun had been had, and she was now marked as mine and only mine._

_I pick up my clothes and dress, leaving her on the ground where she lies, panting, tears streaming down her face. I turn and walk away without a second glance, my job having been done._

I finished the story in my head and refocused my gaze on the snow outside. A lone tear rolled down my cheek, which I wiped away hastily. What I had done... No. I had already replayed the night once, and there was no chance I was going to do it again.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I failed to notice the sound of footsteps echoing down the corridor, steadily coming closer. Only when a voice spoke did I exit my reverie.

"Malfoy?"

**snickers evilly Yup, so I know who it is, but the question is, do you? If you think you know, send over a review and I might just tell ya. Maybe.**

**By the way, congrats to the Granby girl's lacrosse team for their win against Ellington's JV team 6 to 2! Awesome way to kick off the season! And yeah, their varsity team beat us 8 to 3, but it was our first game of the season and very much not theirs. But we still won! Woot!**


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